Only the good die young.

Death is never easy. It's never been something I'm comfortable with, either. But during the holidays, when you're 2,100 miles from home, it's even harder. On Christmas Eve, I lost my uncle. He had been fighting Multiple Sclerosis for about 23 years, but that doesn't mean it's any easier to accept the sudden passing of a loved one. While my mama and sisters make the trek to Seattle to put him to rest, all I can do is the one thing I'm semi-okay at...write about it. I would say that Rick was lucky to have such wonderful hospital staff, nurses, friends, and family, but truthfully, I think that everyone that knew Rick was lucky to have him. He was a brother, a son, a father, a grandpa, an uncle, and a godfather. But he was more than all that. He was my hero. 

I've never met a man stronger than him, or who dealt with such extreme circumstances in such a positive light. MS is a terrible disease but he was always the happiest person I knew. He fought for over 20 years with a fierce passion and vivacious laughter that could fill a room. He never complained. He never showed pain. We complain about our daily inconveniences all the time, and I can't help but be disgusted with myself as to why. Despite him being bound to a wheelchair in an assisted living center for over two decades, he never let anyone know of his suffering and lived with it for over 20 years whilst keeping his dignity and a smile on his face. Always a selfless man, he would put others first, and as someone who loved a good laugh, his jokes and pranks were one to be reckoned with (I may have inherited it from him...). How does someone who has had everything stripped from him-- family, friends, vision, movement, everything-- have such inner positivity and strength? I think we can all learn a little something from Rick. He fought for so long and never gave up. He had a lot of close calls, but like a resilient cat, he had way more than nine lives. I think his energy radiated through not only his life, but the lives of everyone around him, and it's that positivity and will to live that kept him around for so long. We can all hope to adopt such charisma and hopefulness. We are all just busy creatures hoping to get by in life. But it's in moments like losing someone you so deeply love that we realize our lives are just built out of this chaos and hope. This desire to be loved and understood-- that's all he ever wanted. To be loved and to make people laugh; and that he did. I am proud to say he was my uncle, and going into this new year, I think it's a wonderful time to take on some of the amazing traits he held, to make this world a bit better. 

Although I got to speak to him over the phone a few weeks ago, I am heartbroken that I can't be there to say a final goodbye tomorrow. We have lost a one of a kind human being and someone like him can never be replaced, but I hope we can send him away with words of love. He wouldn't want us to mourn, but to laugh and play and speak of things that inspire us. And I think we can all agree that if we learned anything from Rick, he is what inspires us. ❤️

Let's play a love game.

               (just some advice). 

So here's the thing about the "game"...it's stupid. But even by not playing, we are playing. So what, then? We feel pathetic and weak for giving into it, and we feel worse when we back off and quit it because really, we aren't quitting the game, we are quitting the most addictive drug of all...love. 

It's always nice to know you can feel again after getting crushed. Either you get crushed or you're the one crushing. That's the purpose of the game. But when we finally stop looking, we see things so much clearer. You see, certain things capture your eye but we need to only pursue those that capture the heart, because at the end of the day, when the game is over, the pawn and the king go into the same box. We can only be responsible for our own hearts. Don't offer yours up for the taking in this game. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ so freely. 

So back to my experience with this so-called game (Aren't games supposed to be fun, by the way?)...

Dealing with your tomfoolery compromises my integrity. And I almost let that happen, willingly, because secretly I liked the fear and rush of it. Because I think that all anyone really wants to be is loved. Even those that are guarded (the biggest game players of all!!). Love is really just a simple little wish to not be forgotten, and I suppose I would've rather been your mistake than nothing at all. People take advantage of you when you care too much, and it becomes all talk. So I keep chasing you, because I like to believe in the best in people, so I think you'll change and this is just fun & games. I'm an active participant in this love game. I live inside of it. But then I realize, I'm not the only player, and you are constantly changing the rules. So, in thinking about it, I've decided...Why do you get to be the game maker? Who tagged you and made you "it"?

You see, you're great at playing. But you may have just been outsmarted...I know. So the only thing changing now is who is winning. I'll play along. Watch me. But remember, I don't lose games. (It's pretty well known in the Silver household. My family refuses to play them with me anymore). You've got to learn to under-promise and over-deliver. Go ahead and do what you want now, because let's be truthful...I'm not what you want. I'm a convenient challenge. A game. 

Breaking news: Checkmate. You lose. And may the odds be ever in your favor. ❤️

Got a gypsy soul to blame...

...and you were born for leaving.

I've been traveling a lot lately. Which always makes me want to move to these new places and discover every hidden corner of them. The wanderlust is becoming a serious problem. I've always been fascinated by being in an airplane, looking out below at all the tiny squares. All those lines and roads...they are leading people home. Where is home, though, when you're constantly running?

Our problem, as people with feelings and dreams, is that we spend all our time looking for open doors, and the second we get in, we race toward the exit. Everyone thinks that they're different, and don't self-sabotage, but in the end, we're all the same. We all do that. I've been told before that I'm a gypsy...moving constantly; running away. But what's wrong with wanting to constantly feel danger or adrenaline or have new experiences or meet new people? Just because we wander, doesn't mean we run. Maybe there just hasn't yet been a good enough reason to want to stay. Don't let that make you feel bad though. It's oddly charming to know that we are all psychos when it comes to love and life. 

It's safer to constantly keep going...to have no solid ties to anything or anyone. It isn't necessarily putting up walls, it's self-preservation, people! As Ayn Rand said, "the question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me?" So what will it be that will finally make us all stop running? 

Life's unpredictability is what makes for a more valuable, exciting life. But then you remember-- you didn't move here to be comfortable and calm and collected and perfect all the time. You've already been there, done that. You came here to feel excitement. To grow. To make magic. To make mistakes. To step outside yourself. You came here to be a part of the messiness and wonder of this place...and to add your own mess to it. The truth is, you are your own home, little gypsy. Keep coming home to yourself. You are the only one you've been waiting for. The only one in your way of staying or leaving. You're not searching for anything more. You can love every aspect of your life but still embrace the uncertainty of it, and yearn for what's missing. ❤️