Wonderwalls.

It is human to feel. In these feelings, we tell ourselves the stories that make sense to us. There's no fault in that. The fault lies where we think that other people are totally in on those stories. What we don't realize, is that the stories are only our own, and to make others a part of them, they have to want to be. Most of the time, we get upset when these tales don't play out, but in order for them to fail, they had to be real anyway, and quite often, they aren't as real as we think they were. But we continue to create these images of what we want and when there are blank patches, and others have no intention of clarifying or filling in those blanks for us, we fill them in with the little wisps of hopeful smoke we can grab onto. In doing so, we dismiss our own feelings, to accept the feelings of others. When did we inherit that quality? I'm all for compromise and love, but when you deny your own feelings in the process, we begin to lose ourselves. 

A good friend once told me, when you love hard, you hurt hard. That's something that's always stuck with me. You take the risk of pain when you set out to give anyone or anything as much love as you can. And would you do it again? Of course. Because those brilliant shining moments before the darkness are always, always, always worth it. You may continue to put up walls, but its human to feel things-- good or bad. We must remember that lying next to someone is completely different than wanting to keep them warm, and becoming the awareness behind that realization is a hell of a lot more important than becoming a vault of those emotions. Your lack of emotion just makes me resent your disregard and selfishness even more. Revenge is not in my plans, because the way you act will only hurt you in the end. And that's all the revenge I need...your self-inflicted emotional failure. So, my friend, keep building your walls higher. 

We all have walls. They are necessary. But hiding behind them is cowardly. Whenever I see a wall now, I will laugh. I know what needs to be done. Say nothing more than thank you. Because silence, as it turns out, is the most powerful wall breaker...it screams. So thank you, if nothing else, for providing me with that wall of silence. Whatever you were, you were not good enough to hold onto, and so I will let go and realize that life gets easier when we accept the apology we will never get. In doing this, I now know that I will no longer keep welcome mats and sparkles where my spine should be. ❤